查看完整版本: 〔转载〕快乐比你想象的更重要

绿华树 2006-6-19 00:38

原帖：严畅<PRE style="TEXT-JUSTIFY: inter-ideograph; TEXT-ALIGN: justify">编者按：《快乐比你想象的更重要》是John C. Harrison (口吃六边形理论的创立者)发表在网上的一篇很有意思的文章。文章指出，快乐是一种力量，它是一个人持续做某件事的动力。而矫正口吃，作为一项复杂的系统工程，如果不贯彻“快乐原则”，是不可能完成的。这与西安顶呱呱口吃俱乐部的矫正原则不谋而合。<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE style="TEXT-INDENT: 32.15pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-char-indent-count: 2.0">Having Fun is More Powerful than You Think<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">By John C. Harrison<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Program Director, National Stuttering Project<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">(johnnyh@holonet.net)<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE style="TEXT-INDENT: 28pt; mso-char-indent-count: 2.0">Early April of my 12th year was a time of gnawing (painful or worrying, especially only slightly but for a long time) fear. Our seventh grade class was planning to present a scene from Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream," and I was assigned a minor role. I can't remember my exact part, but I do remember a particular line that's been engraved in my mind these 45 years.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      The line was, "I came with Hermia hither."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      My anticipation of delivering that line wrecked my life for a<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>month. For the secret truth was that I stuttered, and one of the sounds<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>I stuttered on was "h". Often as not, I would lock up on the "h" sound.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>Simply stop talking. And then to hide my embarrassment, I would pretend that I forgot what I was saying, or I'd substitute another word.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      The problem was I was stuck with Shakespeare's words. I couldn't substitute. So for three weeks I had nightmares of standing before the entire grammar school with the words "Hermia hither" stuck in my throat<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>and the deafening silence of the auditorium pounding in my ears.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      I got through the performance, just barely, by rushing into "Hermia hither" with a kamikaze(神风敢死队队员)-like abandon（离弃，丢弃） reserved for skydivers（延缓张伞跳伞的人）on their first leap. My secret was safe. I had survived another speaking situation.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      As you might gather, speaking was no fun for me as a kid. Nor is it for most people, young or old. A survey of the public's ten greatest fears places public speaking number one on the list with death trailing （跟随）behind in the number three or four position.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      I eventually got over the stuttering problem. But it wasn't simply because I worked on my speech. I also worked on my ability to have fun while I was speaking. That took the pressure off the performance, got me in touch with myself, and transformed the experience into something positive. I have since wondered why having fun is not universally recognized as one of the most powerful catalysts to change.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Fun is usually presented as the icing(糖衣，酥皮) on the cake. That little misguided belief has created more havoc（大破坏） in my life, because what seems to be true is that having fun is not just the icing, **it's also the cake**; it's the wellspring（泉源）of my strength, identity and creativity.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Right now I can imagine some harried mother saying, "For god's sake, George, don't let the kids read this!" When your kids want to horse （胡闹）around at just the time they should be scrubbing（擦洗）in the tub or struggling with their homework, the very last thing you want them to hear is that fun is "the cake." After all, we know that fun is not serious. It's what goes on **after** the bath and the homework are done. It's recreation. It's...it's...well, it's FUN.  Right?<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      We keep thinking about fun like we do about sugar. It tastes good in small doses, but in quantity, it'll wreck us.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Quite the contrary.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      I have seen what the power of having fun can do.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE><o:p> </o:p></PRE><PRE>THE LIBERATING POWER OF FUN<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      A few years back at a chapter meeting of the National Stuttering<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>Project we were taking turns making short talks, when eventually we got around to a diminutive（小的）lady named Lila. As Lila began her speech, she spoke in her typical voice, a flat, brittle (showing no warm feeling) voice punctuated by frequent blocks. It was also apparent that she was locked in her survival mode. You know, unsmiling, eyes staring into space, looking like she'd rather be doing anything else than standing there talking to us.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      I thought maybe I could help her out and halfway through her presentation. I took the liberty of interrupting her.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Lila," I said, " are you having any fun?"<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "No."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      " How come?"<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "I'm afraid you aren't g-g-g-going to l-l-like what I say."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      That was easy to believe. Her whole manner said "Don't be mad at me. I'll be good. I'll do it right."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Lila," I said. "Why don't you start over, but this time, speak the way you've always **wanted** to speak. Forget what we want; do what you want. Be dramatic. Be silly. Be outrageous (extremely unusual and slightly amusing or shocking). Whatever it is that turns you on. Whatever you do is fine with the rest of us."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Lila began again, her voice stronger but still tentative.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Fantastic," I coached. "Now even more energy. Liven it up. Have some fun. We know you're a ham (拙劣的表演者，蹩脚演员)!"<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Well, that touched a nerve. It turned out that Lila was a closet ham, and for the first time the world had not only recognized it but actually encouraged it. She didn't have to play the shy, retiring (not wanting to be with other people, especially people you don’t know) type.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Lila cut loose, and her energy, her whole demeanor changed. Within a few moments she was fooling around, and as her confidence grew, she came totally alive. But the most remarkable thing was that once she began to have fun, **Lila didn't stutter**<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Now, we weren't speech therapists. We were only encouraging Lila to have fun, something she was evidently not willing to do for herself. Having fun liberated Lila's power; it set her free. And that, in turn, liberated her ability to express herself without holding back.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      What became clear that evening was how deeply we can be affected by our willingness, or unwillingness, to have fun.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE><o:p> </o:p></PRE><PRE>HOW WE'RE PROGRAMMED<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      If you're like me, you were told a lot of things as a kid. You were told how to eat, dress, behave, grow up. And later, how to make money, raise kids and, if you read Hemingway in English 101, how to die with grace.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      But not too many people enlightened me about fun. Oh, they told me what was supposed to be fun and what wasn't. But the **having** of fun was left up to me. Consequently, I learned about it on a catch-as-catch-can (能抓到什么就抓什么，没有限制的；用随便什么方法的) basis and developed some beliefs that may sound familiar.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      BELIEF #1--Work isn't fun. My father cleared that up for me one summer's day while I was still in high school. I was making extra spending money typing envelopes at his office. It was a boring job, and<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>I must have complained because he turned to me and said, "Work's not supposed to be fun. Work is WORK!"<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Got it? Fun is what you do in the off-hours. Work is where you<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>**struggle** and deal with **problems**. I heard about taxes, inefficient employees, missed deadlines; I heard about everything that went wrong. But very seldom did my father, or anyone else for that matter, ever tell me what they loved--or even liked-- about their work. I still see that tendency in myself and in others; we talk about what's wrong, but don't put as much energy into talking about what's right.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      BELIEF #2--Fun is a reward for being good. This is a spin-off of belief #1. It sounds like this:<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Do your homework, or you can't go out and play."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Clean up your room, or I won't take you to the circus tomorrow."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      To have fun I learned that you had to barter and be a certain kind of person. The currency was usually good behavior.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      BELIEF #3--Fun is always second to achievement. I wouldn't say I had a particularly difficult childhood. But I do know that having fun was not a major emphasis in a middle-class upbringing（抚养，教养）. It certainly took a back seat to good grades and other visible signs of achievement.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Typical example: one afternoon I came back from the golf course having chosen not to play but practice instead. I had hit out three buckets of balls on the practice tee until my hands were red, and I really felt satisfied with my performance. I'd belted `em a country mile. When I walked in the living room, my father looked up the from the newspaper.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "How'd it go?" he asked.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Good," I said.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "What did you shoot?"<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "I didn't. I just hit balls."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "You should have played," my father said, his disappointment barely hidden. "You need to score to know how you're doing."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      End of conversation.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Well, he was right there. Nobody ever shot an 82 on the practice tee. But on the other hand, it didn't seem that my having a good time counted for anything. In fairness to my father, I should say that his response was not much different from what any of my friend's fathers might have said. Maybe it was a characteristic of their generation, but<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>I never heard adults put pleasure on a par with achievement.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      BELIEF #4--Other people know what is fun for you. God knows they are persistent in telling you. When you're a kid, the adult world is full of helpful suggestions:<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Go outside and play baseball. It's fun." (I hated baseball. They always stuck me in center field, and I dropped every fly ball hit to me.)<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "C'mon with us. You'll have fun at Aunt Jessie's." (Sitting around with a bunch of grown-ups was hardly inspiring to a 10-year-old.)<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Fun" is having to attend to the children's symphony at Carnegie<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>Hall when you'd rather be out playing cowboys and Indians with the kids next door.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Such are the ways that attitudes are formed in childhood. And it doesn't really change when you get older. Want to know what constitutes<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>fun? Just read "Playboy", the travel brochures or watch the beer commercials on TV. The media is full of advice on the good life. So people flock to the Friday night bars looking for a good time. And they<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>buy faster cars and take longer vacations and still deal with that nagging (making you worry or feel pain all the time) feeling that something is missing.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      The truth is, fun is a process, a very personal process that involves not only what you're doing but how and why you're doing it. This story will elaborate.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Back in the Dark Ages when I was 25, I was living in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on">New York City</st1:City> with some of my old high school buddies and bringing my laundry back to my parent's home on <st1:place w:st="on">Long Island</st1:place>. You get the picture. One day, more or less on impulse, I made a plane reservation to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">San Francisco</st1:place></st1:City>.  Two weeks later, I was three thousand miles from home and on my own for the first time in my life.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      It was a grand adventure. I located a place to live, found a good job and discovered what independence felt like.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      One night I was in the middle of washing my socks, when I suddenly realized that this inane activity was actually fun. I couldn't believe it. For years I had resisted doing anything useful around the house. And now here I was up to my wrists in Tide, squishing socks in the sink and having a grand old time. Buddha had his great epiphany (对事物真谛的顿悟，a moment of sudden very strong emotions) beneath a bo tree. I had my revelation in the Baker Acres Residence Club over a sink full of soapy socks. In that moment I understood that having fun is another way of saying "I'm doing what gives me the greatest sense of my own self worth."（快乐就是做最能令你感受到自我价值的事情。）<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      All my life other people had washed my socks. Now I was on my own, looking after my own needs, and it felt terrific. The experience of fun helped to clarify what had been missing in my life: my own sense of independence. And it helped to set the direction for the years that followed. (Since then, having served its purpose, washing socks has sunk back to being a bore.)<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE><o:p> </o:p></PRE><PRE>FINDING YOUR DIRECTION<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Taking fun seriously can be extremely useful in establishing a career path. Some years ago I met a woman named Susan Hanan who was Director of Career Counseling for a major bank in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Spokane</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">Washington</st1:State></st1:place>.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>An outgoing woman in her late 30s, she had a keen appreciation for the need to do work that is pleasurable. As a career counselor, she used the pleasure principle in guiding people toward a rewarding career.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "There are so many people who are unhappy with their jobs," she said. "And much of it stems from not working at things that give them pleasure. We've been taught to get an education, choose a career, and get a job. Bingo, just like that. But we're encouraged to do all this without paying attention to what we like, to what turns us on, to what is fun. So is it surprising that people in their thirties and older go through identity crises in their work?<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "When people are considering a career change, our workshop teaches a methodology that seems amazingly simple. We tell them to start at the bottom; namely, look at what you **like** to do. Get in touch with those activities that make you feel powerful, turned on, excited. Is it helping people, solving problems, managing others? Define it. Then look for people whose jobs involve these activities. Find out how they got where they are and what you need to know or do in order to get there yourself. It's just amazing how it works."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      That's just arse-backwards from the way most of us were taught to choose careers. It puts status, money and doing what's "right" in the back seat behind enjoying your job.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "When you approach work this way," said Susan, "you may find that your present job, the one you thought you wanted to change, is ideal after all. To make it work for you, you may just need to expand it so it includes more of what you like to do."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      So fun turns out to be a kind of psychic（connected with mysterious events involving the power of the human mind）compass. Even in foul weather, it can keep us pointed in the right direction by giving us a clear indication of what things are really important, not to other people, but to us personally. If you think about it, you'll probably agree that it's most often when you're having fun that you have the clearest sense of who you are. It's also when you do your best work.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      On the other hand, when we lose our capacity for fun, we tend to drift, sometimes for a lifetime, or fall prey to someone whose clearer sense of direction and purpose we adopt for our own.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      How do we rediscover what's fun for us?  Here are some ideas:<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      BEGIN NOTICING WHAT'S GOING ON.  The path to enlightenment, says the Zen（禅宗）master, is to observe without judgment. During the day, stay tuned into to what you're doing, feeling, thinking. It's not easy, but keep watching. You don't have to act on your observations at this point. Just keep noticing.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      TRUST WHAT YOU SEE. One of the things I learned from various personal growth trainings such as EST and Lifespring is that I didn't often trust my own observations. I'd believe others before I'd believe myself. No wonder I had little self confidence or sense of what I liked.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      EXAMINE YOUR BELIEFS OBJECTIVELY.  Beliefs are deceiving, because we tend not to see them as beliefs at all but simply as "the way things are," I'm reminded of the woman who goes to the psychiatrist (精神病学家) with a problem.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Tell me how you spend your day," the psychiatrist says.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Well," replies the lady, "I get out of bed. I put on my slippers and robe, I go to the bathroom, I brush my teeth, I throw up（呕吐）, I..."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "You THROW UP?" exclaims the psychiatrist.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "Yes," says the lady. "Doesn't everybody?"<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      As this story illustrates, it is often hard to separate the real world from your perception of it. Many beliefs are so ingrained（firmly established and difficult to change）that it takes major "surgery" (like running off to San Francisco) to develop sufficient perspective.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Jaret Elbert, a San Francisco advertising copywriter (广告文字撰稿人) and ex-New Yorker recalls some of her past beliefs about fun.  She sees them as part of the culture.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "My society looked at fun the way it looked at eating chocolate chip（薄片）cookies. There wasn't much nutritional value. You had to be good to get any. And if you got too much, you'd develop an upset stomach or break out."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      "And," she adds, "it was a foregone conclusion that anyone who had lots of fun couldn't be very deep."<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      BROADEN YOUR IDEAS ABOUT WHAT'S FUN.  Most people see fun as only recreational. But that's just one definition; there are others. I found it fun to do this article, though I bashed（怒殴，猛击）the word processor a few times, tore my hair (what's left of it) in frustration, and threw away most of what I'd written.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      SEE WHETHER YOU'VE SET LIMITS ON FUN. Frequently, people have an alarm clock that tells them just how much fun they are entitled to have at any one time. After ten minutes, ten hours or whatever-- rinnnnnnnng!-- the alarm goes off and the fun comes to an end.  If that's something you do, begin looking at why you don't deserve more fun than you give yourself.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      Come to think of it, having fun isn't something you deserve, any more than you "deserve" two arms and two legs. It's simply a part of who you are; an important part. And it has a remarkable ability to heal, as author Norman Cousins reported in a book in which he described how he defied the doctors and cured a life-threatening illness by simply increasing his capacity for fun.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      To have fun is to rediscover your unique self and to capitalize on your greatest strengths and resources.<o:p></o:p></PRE><PRE>      So what, pray tell, are you waiting for?<o:p></o:p></PRE><o:p> </o:p>

绿华树 2006-6-23 07:12

<CENTER>快乐比你想象的有力量</CENTER> 作者：约翰-哈里森(美）　译者：严畅 原文我已发在论坛里。 一、快乐的解放力 几年前，在国家口吃计划的一次阶段性会议上，我们轮流作简短发言，最终轮到一位矮个子女士莉拉发言。当莉拉开始发言时，她以自己一贯的呆板、冷淡的语气说话，中间时常出现阻塞。显然，她仍处于她平常的生活状态中。她的脸上没有微笑，目光朝向没有人的地方，好像宁可做其他任何事情，也不愿站在那儿对我们说话似的。 我想也许我能帮助她摆脱那种状态，于是打断了她的发言。 “莉拉，”我说，“你现在快乐吗？” “不快乐。” “为什么不快乐呢？” “我担心你们不-不-不喜欢我的发言。” 她的话是可信的，因为她的说话方式告诉我们，“不要冲我发火，我会做好的。” “莉拉，”我说，“你为什么不重来一遍？这一次以你一直‘想要’的方式去说。甭管我们希望你以哪种方式，以你自己的方式去说。戏剧化一点，傻一点，荒唐一点。哪种方式你感到舒服，就用哪种方式。你的任何行为我们都能接受。” 莉拉重新开始，她的声音大了一点，但仍然有些犹豫。 “非常好，”我接着训练莉拉，“更起劲一点，使自己活跃起来。享受一些快乐。我们知道你是个蹩脚的演员!” 这一下说到点子上了。莉拉看来是个深藏不露的蹩脚演员，她身边的人不仅第一次认识到这一点，而且鼓励她这样做。她不需要再扮演害羞的小女孩的角色了。 莉拉将自己解放出来，她的言行举止彻底改变了。她一会儿跑到这儿，一会儿跑到那儿，和在场的各位不停地开着玩笑。当她的自信心增长以后，她变得非常活跃。最值得注意的事情是，当莉拉快乐的时候，她说话一点也不口吃。 我们并不是言语诊疗师，我们只是鼓励莉拉变得快乐起来，快乐显然不是莉拉愿意主动争取的东西。快乐解放了莉拉的能量，并由此解放了她表达自我的能力，她说话时不再退缩。 那天晚上的事情表明，我们是否争取快乐的意愿深深地影响了我们的行为。 二、我们的行为是怎样产生的 如果你像我一样，小时候被灌输了很多东西：怎样吃饭、怎样穿衣、怎样表现、怎样长大。再后来，怎样赚钱、怎样生儿育女。如果你读了海明威的小说，你还被传授如何体面地死去。 但是很少有人教我如何使自己变得快乐起来。哦！他们告诉了我哪些事情是快乐的，哪些不是。但是快乐的获取在于我本人。于是，我根据自己的生活经验建立了一些关于快乐的信念，这些信念你听起来可能有些耳熟。 信念一：工作是不快乐的。我的父亲在我上中学的时候就告诉了我这个道理。当时我在他的办公室里打字，赚零花钱。打字是一项单调乏味的工作，当我发牢骚的时候，我的父亲说道，“工作本来就不是件快乐的事情，工作就是工作！” 知道了吧！快乐是你在工作之余所寻找的东西。工作是你在“搏斗（struggle）”和处理“问题”。我所听到的税负、不合格的雇员及工作未能如期完成等都是些不好的东西。我的父亲，还有其他很多人，很少跟我说他们喜欢自己的工作，更不用说喜爱了。我从我自己及其他一些人的身上仍能看到这种倾向；我们都在谈论负面的东西，却很少关注正面的事情。 信念二：快乐是对好行为的奖赏。这是信念一的衍生物。它的逻辑是这样的： “做家庭作业，否则不许你出去玩。” “把你的房间打扫干净，要不明天我不带你去看杂技团表演了。” 为了获得快乐，你必须做交易，必须成为某一种人。而交易的货币常常是好的行为。 信念三：快乐始终没有成就重要。虽然我的童年并不十分痛苦，但是我知道，快乐并不是中产阶级抚养孩子的优先事项。快乐的地位显然要低于好成绩及其他可以看到的成就。 信念四：其他人知道你做什么事情是快乐的。在你小的时候，大人们经常会提一些建议： “出去打棒球。很好玩。”（其实，我最恨打棒球。） “一起来吧！在杰西姑妈家你会很开心的。”（坐在一群大人中间对一个10岁的小孩来说很难有什么吸引力。） “快乐”是在你想和邻家小孩出去玩“牛仔与印第安人”游戏时，却不得不去卡耐基大厅听儿童交响乐。 这就是儿童时代态度的形成过程。这些态度在你长大后也并未真正改变。想知道怎样获得快乐吗？看《<A style="TEXT-DECORATION: underline" href="http://www.sogou.com/sogoupedia?query=花花公子" target=_blank>花花公子</A>》、旅游画册或者电视上的啤酒广告。媒体充斥着关于快乐生活的建议。于是人们在周末纷纷涌入酒吧或夜总会去寻找快乐。他们买更快的跑车、度更长的假，但仍感到缺少点什么。 实际上，快乐是一个过程，一个个性化的过程，它不仅与你所做的事情有关，而且与你做这件事情的方式和原因有着密切的联系。下面这个故事可以说明这一点。 当我25岁时，我和几个高中好友住在纽约，每周末，我都把脏衣服带回我的父母家去洗。一天，出于冲动，我订了一张赴旧金山的机票。两周后，我在离家三千英里的一座城市，第一次开始了独立生活。 这是一次冒险行动。我先找了个住处，接着找了份工作，有生以来第一次体验到自立是怎么回事。 一天晚上，当我洗自己袜子的时候，我突然意识到这次“傻帽行动”给我带来了很大的快乐。我几乎难以相信。几年来，我一直讨厌做任何家务活。但现在，我把手泡在充满肥皂沫的水槽里洗袜子，心里却十分高兴。佛祖在菩提树下得道，而我则从贝克•艾克里斯旅馆的一个水槽中找回了自己。那一刻，我懂得了一个道理，即快乐就是“做最能令你感受到自我价值的事情”。 在这之前，我的袜子一直由别人来洗。现在，我自立了，我开始自己照顾自己，这种感觉好极了。这次快乐的经历使我看清了自己生命中所缺少的东西：自立感。我今后几年的奋斗方向也由此设定。（打那以后，洗袜子又变成了一件乏味的事情，它已完成了自己的使命。） 三、找到你的方向 认真地对待快乐有助于我们找到适合自己的职业方向。几年前，我碰到了一位叫苏珊•海楠的女士，她是华盛顿州斯波坎市一家大银行的职业咨询顾问，将近40岁，性格随和。她非常看重人的快乐需求。作为一个职业顾问，她用快乐原则来指导人们选择有意义的职业。 “有太多的人不喜欢自己的工作，”她说，“这在很大程度上是因为，这些人没有在能给自己带来快乐的事情上下功夫。传统教育教我们上大学，然后找一份好工作。长辈们在鼓励我们做这些事情的时候，并没有教我们关注自己的喜好和感受。因此，很多人在三十多岁或四十岁的时候陷入了工作身份的认同危机。 “当人们考虑转行的时候，我教他们一个非常简单的办法。我告诉他们从‘底部’开始，也就是说，看看你喜欢干什么。参加一些能使你兴奋、感到有力量的活动。这些活动是帮助他人、解决问题，还是管理他人？对这些活动进行界定，然后寻找其工作与这些活动有关的人，看看他们是怎样找到自己的工作的，你要从事他们的职业，需要学习或做些什么。这一办法屡试不爽。” 这种方法与普遍的择业原则恰好相反，因为它把地位、金钱及做“正确的”事情放在了享受工作之后。 “当你以这种态度对待工作时，”苏珊说，“你可能会发现，你想换掉的现在从事的工作其实很适合你。为了使这份工作更好地满足你的需求，你只须扩展其内容，使之包括更多你所喜欢做的事情。” 因此，快乐是心灵的指南针。即使在最坏的天气下，它也能为我们指出正确的方向，使我们明白对我们自己而言，什么才是真正重要的东西。仔细地想一想，你很可能会发现，通常在你快乐的时候，你对自己的认识最为清晰，你的工作也最为出色。 相反，当我们丧失快乐能力的时候，我们要么陷入迷茫（有时候，这种迷茫会持续一生），要么受自我意识强烈的人的影响，将他们的目标当作自己的努力方向。 我们怎样发现自己喜欢做的事呢? 这里有几条有益的建议： 1. 开始注意正在进行的事情。禅宗的祖师爷曾说过，启迪心智之道在于不加判断地去观察。在一天之内，持续观察你的行为、感受和思想。这并不容易做到，但你需要坚持。你并不需要为了观察而特地去做某件事情，只要用心去观察就可以了。 2. 相信你所看到的。通过参加EST和“生命的源泉”等个人成长训练，我发现我经常不相信自己观察的结果。我相信别人胜过相信自己。这样一来，我缺乏自信和对自己喜爱的东西不确定就不足为怪了。 3. 客观地检验你的信念。信念是具有欺骗性的，因为我们通常不把它们当作“信念”，而把它们直接看作“事实”。记得一位妇女去看精神病医生。医生问道，“告诉我你今天是怎么过的？”这位女士答道，“我起床，穿上拖鞋和袍子，来到盥洗室，刷牙，呕吐，接着……”“你呕吐？”医生大叫道。“是啊！”女士说，“不是每个人都这样吗？” 这个故事表明，人们通常情况下很难将真实的世界与他们对世界的认知分开来。很多信念是如此的根深蒂固以至于要改变它们就必须进行一次大的“外科手术”（就像我只身一人跑到旧金山去一样）。 简内特•埃尔伯特是旧金山的一个广告文字撰稿人，她原先住在纽约。她回忆了自己过去关于快乐的一些信念，并把它们看作一种文化。 “我身边的人把快乐看作吃巧克力薄饼。它并不营养，不过吃一点并不坏，但如果吃得太多，你的胃就会很难受。”“并且，”她接着说，“人们想当然地认为，成天乐呵呵的人其思想大都很肤浅。” 4. 拓宽对快乐的定义。大多数人把快乐等同于娱乐。但娱乐只是快乐的一种，快乐的范围要比娱乐宽得多。例如，我发现写这篇文章是件快乐的事，虽然在写作过程中，我猛敲了打字机好几次，把头发抓得乱七八糟，还扔了好几筐稿纸。 5. 看看你是否给快乐设了界限。人们在玩的时候，经常会放一个闹钟在身边以告诉自己娱乐结束的时间。十分钟、十小时，不管多长时间，当闹钟一响，你的快乐时光也就结束了。如果你也是这样做的，那么请扪心自问，你为什么不配享受更多的快乐呢？ 想想吧！你不配享受更多的快乐，就像你不配拥有第三支胳膊和第三条腿一样。但是快乐具有治愈疾病的巨大威力，诺曼•卡森斯曾在一本书中描述了他如何违抗医生的指令，通过扩展自己获取快乐的能力最终治愈了一个致命疾病的过程。 获取快乐就是重新发现你的独特之处，最大限度地利用你的力量和资源。 所以，你还等什么呢？ ［此帖子已被严畅在 2006-06-22 22:20:37 编辑过］

千乐 2006-6-26 07:10

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